Still Alive
9 years ago
Friday, July 31, 2009
Thursday, July 30, 2009
How Do You Prosecute Them With A Name Like That?
This is a true story.
Australian Police have been unable to recommend a prosecution for the following scam:
A company takes out a newspaper advertisement claiming to be able to supply imported hard core pornographic videos. As their prices seem reasonable, people place orders and make payments via check.
After several weeks, the company writes back explaining that under the present law they are unable to supply the materials and do not wish to be prosecuted. So they return their customers' money in the form of a company check.
However, due to the name of the company, few people ever bother to present these to their banks. The name of the company:
'The Anal Sex and Fetish Perversion Company'.
Australian Police have been unable to recommend a prosecution for the following scam:
A company takes out a newspaper advertisement claiming to be able to supply imported hard core pornographic videos. As their prices seem reasonable, people place orders and make payments via check.
After several weeks, the company writes back explaining that under the present law they are unable to supply the materials and do not wish to be prosecuted. So they return their customers' money in the form of a company check.
However, due to the name of the company, few people ever bother to present these to their banks. The name of the company:
'The Anal Sex and Fetish Perversion Company'.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
A Very Good 80/20 Rule
In most cases, especially in relationships, you will only get 80% of what you NEED and you will hardly get the other 20% that you WANT in your relationship.
There is always another person (man or women) that you will meet and that will offer you the other 20% which is lacking in your relationship that you WANT.
And believe me, 20% looks really good when you are not getting it at all in your current relationship.
But the problem is that you will always be tempted to leave that good 80% that you know you have, thinking that you will get something better with the other 20% that you WANT.
But as reality has proven, in most cases, you will always end up with having the 20% that you WANT and loosing the 80% that you really NEED and that you already had.
Be careful in deciding between what you WANT and NEED in your life.
Adultery happens when you start looking for what you don't have. 'Wow, this girl in my office is a real looker. But it's not her Wynona Rider features that got me. I'm crazy about her because she's also understanding, intelligent, tender - so many things that my spouse is not'.
Somewhere along the way, you'll find a woman or a man who will be more charming or sensitive. More alluring. More thoughtful. Richer. Have greater sex appeal.
And you will find a woman or man who will need you and pursue you and go loco over you more than your spouse ever did.
Because no wife or husband is perfect. Because a spouse will only have 80% of what you're looking for. So adultery takes place when a husband or wife looks for the missing 20%. Let's say your wife is melancholic by nature.
You may find yourself drawn to the pretty clerk who has a cherry laugh no matter what she says: 'I broke my arm yesterday, Hahahaha . . ..'
Or because your wife is a homebody in slippers and pajamas, smelling of garlic and fish oil.
You may fall for a fresh-smelling young sales representative that visits your office in a sharp black blazer, high heels, and a red pencil-cut skirt.
Or because your husband is the quiet type, your heart may skip a beat when you meet an old
college flame who has the makings of a talk show host.
But wait! That's only 20% of what you don't have. Don't throw away the 80% that you already have!
That's not all. Add to your spouse's 80% the 100% that represents all the years that you have been with each other.
The storms you have weathered together.
The unforgettable moments of sadness and joy as a couple.
The many adjustments you have made to love the other.
The wealth of memories that you've accumulated as lovers.
Adultery happens when you start looking for what you don't have.
But faithfulness happens when you start thanking God for what you already have.
But I'm not just talking about marriage.
I'm talking about life!
About your jobs.
About your friends.
About your children.
About your lifestyles.
Are you like the economy airline passenger that perennially peeks through the door of the first class cabin, obsessed with what he's missing?
'
They have got more leg room! Oh my, their food is served in porcelain!
Wow, their seats recline at an 80% angle and they've got personal videos!'
I guarantee you'll be miserable for the entire trip!
Don't live your life like that.
Forget about what the world says is first class.
Do you know that there are many first class passengers who are miserable in first class -- because they are not riding in a private Lear Jet?
The main message???
If you start appreciating what you have right now, wherever you are, you are first class!
There is always another person (man or women) that you will meet and that will offer you the other 20% which is lacking in your relationship that you WANT.
And believe me, 20% looks really good when you are not getting it at all in your current relationship.
But the problem is that you will always be tempted to leave that good 80% that you know you have, thinking that you will get something better with the other 20% that you WANT.
But as reality has proven, in most cases, you will always end up with having the 20% that you WANT and loosing the 80% that you really NEED and that you already had.
Be careful in deciding between what you WANT and NEED in your life.
Adultery happens when you start looking for what you don't have. 'Wow, this girl in my office is a real looker. But it's not her Wynona Rider features that got me. I'm crazy about her because she's also understanding, intelligent, tender - so many things that my spouse is not'.
Somewhere along the way, you'll find a woman or a man who will be more charming or sensitive. More alluring. More thoughtful. Richer. Have greater sex appeal.
And you will find a woman or man who will need you and pursue you and go loco over you more than your spouse ever did.
Because no wife or husband is perfect. Because a spouse will only have 80% of what you're looking for. So adultery takes place when a husband or wife looks for the missing 20%. Let's say your wife is melancholic by nature.
You may find yourself drawn to the pretty clerk who has a cherry laugh no matter what she says: 'I broke my arm yesterday, Hahahaha . . ..'
Or because your wife is a homebody in slippers and pajamas, smelling of garlic and fish oil.
You may fall for a fresh-smelling young sales representative that visits your office in a sharp black blazer, high heels, and a red pencil-cut skirt.
Or because your husband is the quiet type, your heart may skip a beat when you meet an old
college flame who has the makings of a talk show host.
But wait! That's only 20% of what you don't have. Don't throw away the 80% that you already have!
That's not all. Add to your spouse's 80% the 100% that represents all the years that you have been with each other.
The storms you have weathered together.
The unforgettable moments of sadness and joy as a couple.
The many adjustments you have made to love the other.
The wealth of memories that you've accumulated as lovers.
Adultery happens when you start looking for what you don't have.
But faithfulness happens when you start thanking God for what you already have.
But I'm not just talking about marriage.
I'm talking about life!
About your jobs.
About your friends.
About your children.
About your lifestyles.
Are you like the economy airline passenger that perennially peeks through the door of the first class cabin, obsessed with what he's missing?
'
They have got more leg room! Oh my, their food is served in porcelain!
Wow, their seats recline at an 80% angle and they've got personal videos!'
I guarantee you'll be miserable for the entire trip!
Don't live your life like that.
Forget about what the world says is first class.
Do you know that there are many first class passengers who are miserable in first class -- because they are not riding in a private Lear Jet?
The main message???
If you start appreciating what you have right now, wherever you are, you are first class!
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Love, Lust And Marriage
LOVE - When your eyes meet across a crowded room.
LUST - When your tongues meet across a crowded room.
MARRIAGE - When you try to lose your spouse in a crowded room.
LOVE - When you argue over how many children to have.
LUST - When you argue over who gets the wet spot.
MARRIAGE - When you argue over whose idea it was to have kids.
LOVE - When you share everything you own.
LUST - When you steal everything they own.
MARRIAGE - When the bank owns everything.
LOVE - When your only concern is for your partner's feelings.
LUST - When your only concern is to find a room with mirrors all around.
MARRIAGE - When your only concern is what's on TV.
LOVE - When you are proud to be seen in public with your partner.
LUST - When you only see each other naked.
MARRIAGE - When you never see each other awake.
LOVE - When your heart flutters every time you see them.
LUST - When your groin twitches every time you see them.
MARRIAGE - When your wallet empties every time you see them.
LOVE - When you're only interested in doing things with your partner.
LUST - When you're only interested in doing things TO your partner.
MARRIAGE - When you're only interested in your golf score.
LOVE- You only leave the house to buy coffee and croissants.
LUST- You only leave the house to buy condoms.
MARRIAGE- You only leave the house when you're allowed to.
LUST - When your tongues meet across a crowded room.
MARRIAGE - When you try to lose your spouse in a crowded room.
LOVE - When you argue over how many children to have.
LUST - When you argue over who gets the wet spot.
MARRIAGE - When you argue over whose idea it was to have kids.
LOVE - When you share everything you own.
LUST - When you steal everything they own.
MARRIAGE - When the bank owns everything.
LOVE - When your only concern is for your partner's feelings.
LUST - When your only concern is to find a room with mirrors all around.
MARRIAGE - When your only concern is what's on TV.
LOVE - When you are proud to be seen in public with your partner.
LUST - When you only see each other naked.
MARRIAGE - When you never see each other awake.
LOVE - When your heart flutters every time you see them.
LUST - When your groin twitches every time you see them.
MARRIAGE - When your wallet empties every time you see them.
LOVE - When you're only interested in doing things with your partner.
LUST - When you're only interested in doing things TO your partner.
MARRIAGE - When you're only interested in your golf score.
LOVE- You only leave the house to buy coffee and croissants.
LUST- You only leave the house to buy condoms.
MARRIAGE- You only leave the house when you're allowed to.
Monday, July 27, 2009
All About Toilets
Interesting sink, I wonder who came up with the idea.
You are not allowed to take a peek, no matter how curious you are.
Straight to the point
I wonder what happens to the fish everytime you flush
A toilet that every women dreams of
Careful it don't bite
Creative man and women sign
Very graphic descriptionEthnic Guide To Women
Some might accuse me of being racist and sexist with this joke. But it is really funny and you should not take it seriously.
1. A CAUCASIAN WOMAN:
First date: You get to kiss her goodnight.
Second date: You get to grope all over and make out.
Third date: You get to have sex but only in the missionary position.
2. IRISH WOMAN:
First Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
Second Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
20th Anniversary: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
3. ITALIAN WOMAN:
First Date: You take her to a play and an expensive restaurant.
Second Date: You meet her parents and her Mom makes spaghetti & meatballs.
Third Date: You have sex, she wants to marry you & insists on a 3 carat ring.
5th Anniversary: You already have 5 kids together & hate the thought of having sex.
6th Anniversary: You find yourself a girlfriend.
4. JEWISH WOMAN:
First Date: You get dynamite head.
Second Date: You get more great head.
Third Date: You tell her you'll marry her and never get head again.
5. POLISH WOMAN:
First Date: You go to pick her up, and she isn't home.
She gave you the wrong address.
Second Date: You decide to meet at a restaurant. She gets lost getting to the
restaurant and then again going home.
Third Date: She's pregnant. She's not sure if its hers.
6. CHINESE WOMAN:
First date: You get to buy her an expensive dinner but nothing happens.
Second date: You buy her an even more expensive dinner but nothing happens again.
Third date: You don't even get to the third date and you have already realized
nothing is going to happen.
7. INDIAN WOMAN:
First date: Meet her parents.
Second date: Set the date of the wedding.
Third date: Wedding night.
8. BLACK WOMAN:
First Date: You get to buy her a real expensive dinner.
Second Date: You get to buy her and her girlfriends a real expensive dinner.
Third Date: You get to pay her rent.
Tenth Date: She's pregnant by someone other than you.
9. LATIN WOMAN:
First Date: You buy her an expensive dinner, get her drunk on Riunite,
have sex in the back of her car.
Second Date: She is pregnant.
Third Date: Move in with her, her two cousins, her sister's boyfriend
and live happily ever after eating rice and beans in the Bronx.
1. A CAUCASIAN WOMAN:
First date: You get to kiss her goodnight.
Second date: You get to grope all over and make out.
Third date: You get to have sex but only in the missionary position.
2. IRISH WOMAN:
First Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
Second Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
20th Anniversary: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
3. ITALIAN WOMAN:
First Date: You take her to a play and an expensive restaurant.
Second Date: You meet her parents and her Mom makes spaghetti & meatballs.
Third Date: You have sex, she wants to marry you & insists on a 3 carat ring.
5th Anniversary: You already have 5 kids together & hate the thought of having sex.
6th Anniversary: You find yourself a girlfriend.
4. JEWISH WOMAN:
First Date: You get dynamite head.
Second Date: You get more great head.
Third Date: You tell her you'll marry her and never get head again.
5. POLISH WOMAN:
First Date: You go to pick her up, and she isn't home.
She gave you the wrong address.
Second Date: You decide to meet at a restaurant. She gets lost getting to the
restaurant and then again going home.
Third Date: She's pregnant. She's not sure if its hers.
6. CHINESE WOMAN:
First date: You get to buy her an expensive dinner but nothing happens.
Second date: You buy her an even more expensive dinner but nothing happens again.
Third date: You don't even get to the third date and you have already realized
nothing is going to happen.
7. INDIAN WOMAN:
First date: Meet her parents.
Second date: Set the date of the wedding.
Third date: Wedding night.
8. BLACK WOMAN:
First Date: You get to buy her a real expensive dinner.
Second Date: You get to buy her and her girlfriends a real expensive dinner.
Third Date: You get to pay her rent.
Tenth Date: She's pregnant by someone other than you.
9. LATIN WOMAN:
First Date: You buy her an expensive dinner, get her drunk on Riunite,
have sex in the back of her car.
Second Date: She is pregnant.
Third Date: Move in with her, her two cousins, her sister's boyfriend
and live happily ever after eating rice and beans in the Bronx.
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Some Really Funny Signs
I wish all restaurants have this sign
Do they really need this sign?
I have no idea what this sign is supposed to mean
I don't mind stopping here
This girl does not understand the sign
Isn't it obvious
Does anybody really sacrifice their fingers for the animals
Apparently some people likes to drink toilet water
A very effective sign
Okay so this is not a sign but a label, but I really want to buy this shirt
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