Lost In Translation

The following are from actual signs found in hotels and other venues in countries where English is not the main language.

1. In another Japanese hotel room: "Please to bathe inside the tub."

2. In a Bucharest hotel lobby: "The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable."

3.In a Yugoslavian hotel: "The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid."

4. In a Zurich hotel: "Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose."

5. In a Paris hotel elevator: "Please leave your values at the front desk."

6. In a Belgrade hotel elevator: "To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order."

7. In a Bangkok temple: "It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man."

8. In a Rome laundry: "Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time."

9. On the faucet in a Finnish washroom: "To stop the drip, turn cock to right."

10. In a Japanese hotel: "You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid."

For Lovers Of The English Language

There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is 'UP.'

It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP ? At a meeting, why does a topic come UP ? Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report ?

We call UP our friends. And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver; we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lockUP the house and some guys fix UP the old car. At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special.

And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP . We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.

We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP! To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions. If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more. When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP . When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP .

When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP.

When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP.

One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now my time is UP , so...it is time to shut UP !