The Greatest Benefits of Being Over 50...

Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.

People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?"

People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

You can eat dinner at 4 P.M.

You enjoy hearing about other peoples operations.

You get into heated arguments about pension plans.

You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.

You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.

You sing along with elevator music.

Your eyes won't get much worse.

Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

It All Comes Back Around

At age 4 success is . . . . not piddling in your pants.

At age 12 success is . . . having friends.

At age 17 success is . . having a driver's license.

At age 35 success is . . . .having money.

At age 50 success is . . . having money.

At age 70 success is . ... . having a drivers license.

At age 75 success is . . . having friends.

At age 80 success is . .. . Not piddling in your pants.

Great Truths About Growing Old

1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.

2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.

3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.

4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.

5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.

6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.

7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.