A man will pay two-dollars for a one-dollar item he needs, but a woman will pay one-dollar for a two-dollar item that she doesn't need.
A woman worries about her future until she finds a husband, but a man never worries about the future until he takes a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend, but a successful woman is one who can find such a man!!!
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
If your wife is shouting at the front door, and your dog is barking at the back door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. At least he'll shut up after you let him in!
Men wake up as good-looking as when they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
If your wife laughs at your joke, it means you either have a good joke, or a good wife.
Why are married women heavier than single women? Because single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed, whereas married women come home, see what's in the bed and go to the fridge!
A nagging old woman at a party walked up to a belligerent old man and told him, "If you were my husband I would poison your drink!" To which he replied, "If you were my wife I would drink it!"
What's the difference between a wife and a mistress? About forty pounds! What's the difference between a husband and a boyfriend? About forty minutes!
An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her!!!
3 years ago