Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Canadian Russian Couple

A Russian woman married a Canadian gentleman and they lived happily ever after in Toronto. However, the poor lady was not very proficient in English, but did manage to communicate with her husband. The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries.

One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy chicken legs. She didn't know how to put forward her request, and in desperation, clucked like a chicken and lifted up her skirt to show her thighs. Her butcher got the message, and gave her the chicken legs.

Next day she needed to get chicken breasts, again she didn't know how to say it, and so she clucked like a chicken and unbuttoned her blouse to show the butcher her breasts! The butcher understood again, and gave her some chicken breasts.

On the 3rd day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages. Unable to find a way to communicate this, she brought her husband to the store...

(Please scroll down)


What were you thinking?

Hellooooooo, her husband speaks English!

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Bad Comb Day

I do not know why some people insists on combing their hair in a certain way to hide the baldness, don't they realise that there is no way to comb over without looking silly. Here are a few examples, and included are some well known celebrities.

Friday, September 25, 2009

An X-Rated Survey

5,000 men were asked to complete a survey on what they liked best about "Oral Sex ?":

a.. 3% liked the warmth.

b.. 4% enjoyed the sensation.

c.. 93% appreciated the silence

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Funny Seat Belts

Probably first time on an aeroplane

This is one way to save on car child seat

Who needs a seat belt on toilets?

Wow where can I find this seat belt

I agree!

Saturday, September 19, 2009

End Of Fasting, Eid Mubarak

Today 20 September 2009 Muslims throughout the world will be celebrating their one month of fasting (Muslims do not eat or drink for from sunrise to sunset) and will celebrate the day of Eid. It is good to remember on this auspicious day that there are a lot of people that are in hunger not just for one month but throughout the year. They fast not because they want to but because they have to....

Eid Mubarak and Selamat Hari Raya. I will be taking a few days off from blogging, See you when I get back!

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Watch Out Idiots Are All Around Us

Lets face it there are a lot of idiots out there doing stupid things.

Like this lady who is risking her life to get the window cleaned.

This parent is too lazy to push the pram so takes ride as well

Sleeping on a rail track?

This is one way to close the crack

Didn't anybody told them electricity and water don't mix

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Do You Have A Dirty Mind?

This is not man made

Ice Cream Anyone

Can you spot it?

This is an instruction for a furniture

The secret ingredient in baking a cake

Sunday, September 13, 2009

For Yoga Lovers And Drinkers

Research confirms that drinking gives you the same benefits yoga does

Position of total relaxation.

Position that brings the sensation of peace and calm.

Setu Bandha Sarvangasana
This position calms the brain and heals tired legs.

Position stimulates the midrift area and the spinal column.

Excellent for back pain and insomnia.

Excelent for the shoulder area, thorax, legs, and arms.

Great exercise to stimulate the lumbar area, legs, and arms.

Ananda Balasana
This position is great for massaging the hip area.

This position, for ankles and back muscles.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

How To Keep Your Wits With You In Time Of Grief

Jim died.

His will provided $40,000 for an elaborate funeral.

As the last guests departed the affair, his wife Sharon turned to her oldest and dearest friend. 'Well, I'm sure Jim would be pleased,' she said.

I'm sure you're right,' replied Brenda, who lowered her voice and leaned in close.

How much did this really cost?'

'All of it,' said Sharon . 'Forty thousand.'

'No!' Brenda exclaimed. 'I mean, it was very nice, but $40,000?'

Sharon answered, 'The funeral was $6,500. I donated $500 to church. The whiskey, wine and snacks were another $500. The rest went for the Memorial Stone.'

Brenda computed quickly. '$32,500 for a Memorial Stone? How big is it?'

This is the Memorial Stone!..

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Funny Ways Of Taking Pictures

Have you ever wondered how you look like in your quest to get the perfect shot?

Yes spread it

Hold still

I bet the photographer is prettier than the subject

Classic half squat

Lady you got the camera backwards

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Dumbest Quotes Ever

I cannot attest to their accuracy...But aren't they hilarious?

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever," --Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff." --Mariah Carey

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life," --Brooke Shields, during an interview to become Spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.

"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body," --Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country," --Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.

"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president." --Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.

"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it," --A congressional candidate in Texas.

"Half this game is ninety percent mental." --Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." --Al Gore, Vice President

"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix." -- Dan Quayle

"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"--Lee Iacocca

"The word 'genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." --Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.

"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people." --Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." --Bill Clinton, former US president

"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur." --Al Gore, former US Vice President

"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas." --Keppel Enderbery

"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances." --Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina

"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record." --Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Selling The Blue Pill

Here are some creative advertisements on Viagra.

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