Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Inspirational Office Slogans

- If you do a good job and work hard, you may get a job with a better company someday.

- The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.

- Sure, you may not like working here, but we pay your rent.

- If you think we're a bad firm, you should see our rivals!

- Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings - they did it by killing all those who opposed them.

- A person who smiles in the face of adversity, probably has a scapegoat.

- Abandon All Hope, Ye Who Enter Here.

- We make great money! We have great benefits! We do no work! We are union members!

- Two days without a Human Rights Violation!

- If at first you don't succeed - try management.

- It's only unethical if you get caught.

Never Get Drunk

Monday, June 29, 2009

The Best Time Of My Life

In two days I would be thirty. I was insecure about entering a new decade of my life and feared that my best years were now behind me.

My daily routine included going to the gym for a workout before going to work. Every morning I would see my friend Saul at the gym. He was seventy-nine years old and in terrific shape. As I greeted Saul on this particular day, he noticed I wasn't full of my usual vitality and asked if there was anything wrong. I told him I was feeling anxious about turning thirty. I wondered how I would look back on my life once I reached Saul age, so I asked him, "What was the best time of your life?"

Without hesitation, Saul replied, "Well, son, this is my philosophical answer to your philosophical question: "When I was a child in Europe and everything was taken care of for me and I was nurtured by my parents, that was the best time of my life. When I was going to school and learning the things I know today, that was the best time of my life."

"When I got my first job and had responsibilities and got paid for my efforts, that was the best time of my life."

"When I met my wife and fell in love, that was the best time of my life."

"The Second World War came, and my wife and I had to flee Austria to save our lives. When we were together and safe on a ship bound for North America, that was the best time of my life."

"When we came to the US and started a family, that was the best time of my life."

"When I was a young father, watching my children grow up, that was the best time of my life."

"And now, Joe, I am seventy-nine years old. I have my health, I feel good and I am in love with my wife just as I was when we first met, and I have wonderful healthy grandchildren.

This is the best time of my life."

Arabs Are Funny Too

Never Too Young Or Too Old To Use A Computer

Live a Meaningful Life

We must always be thankful as there are always others who are worse off…

A blind girl hated herself because she was blind. She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend. He was always there for her.

She told her boyfriend, 'If I could only see the world, I would marry you.'

One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her. When the bandages came off, she was able to see everything, including her boyfriend.

He asked her, 'Now that you can see the world, will you marry me?'

The girl looked at her boyfriend and saw that he was blind. The sight of his closed eyelids shocked her. She hadn't expected that. The thought of looking at them the rest of her life led her to refuse to marry him.

Her boyfriend left in tears and days later wrote a note to her saying: 'Take good care of your eyes, my dear, before they were yours, they were mine. '

This is how the human brain often works when our 'status changes'.

Only a very few remember what life was like before and who was always by their side in the most painful situations.

Life Is a Gift

Today before you say an unkind word -
Think of someone who can't speak.

Before you complain about the taste of your food -
Think of someone who has nothing to eat.

Before you complain about your husband or wife -
Think of someone who's crying out for a companion.

Today before you complain about life -
Think of someone who went too early to heaven.

Before you argue about your dirty house that someone didn't clean or sweep -
Think of the people who are living in the streets.

Before whining about the distance you drive -
Think of someone who must walk the same distance.

And when you are tired and complain about your job -
Think of the unemployed, the disabled, and those who wish they had your job..

Before you think of pointing the finger or condemning another -
Remember that not one of us is without error.

And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down -
Put a smile on your face and thank God (which ever one you believe in) you're Alive and still around.

Saturday, June 27, 2009

New Budget Airline

How Quickly The Years Passed

How I'm Spending My Money

The federal government is sending each of us a $600 rebate.

If we spend that money at Wal-Mart, the money goes to China.

If we spend it on gasoline it goes to the Arabs.

If we buy a computer it will go to India.

If we purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala.

If we purchase a good car it will go to Germany.

If we purchase useless crap it will go to Taiwan and none of it will help the American economy.

The only way to keep that money here at home is to spend it on prostitutes and beer, since these are the only products still produced in US. I've been doing my part.'

Women Quote

Friday, June 26, 2009

Great Truths About Growing Old

1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.

2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.

3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.

4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.

5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.

6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.

7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

Every Picture Tells A Story

This Is what SORRY Looks Like

This is what TIRED looks like

This is what Bad Spelling looks like

This is what INTIMACY looks like

This is what COURAGE looks like

This is what 'Good GRIEF!!' looks like

This is what your TAX DOLLARS look like

This is what 'I CAN WAIT' looks like

This is what a BLONDE'S car looks like

This is what COOL looks like

This is what a HELPING HAND looks like

This is what COLD looks like

This is what an ANGEL looks like

This is what a BAD MOOD looks like

Class Project Gone Wrong

An elementary school class started a class project to make planters to take home to their parents. They wanted to have a plant in it that was easy to take care of, so they decided to use cactus plants.

The students were given green-ware pottery planters in the shape of clowns which they painted with glaze. The clown planters were professionally fired at a class outing so they could see the process. It was great fun!

They planted cactus seeds in the finished planters and they grew nicely, but unfortunately, the children were not allowed to take them home.

The cactus plants were removed and small ivy replaced them and the children were then allowed to take them home instead. The teacher said cactus seemed like a good idea at the time!

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

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