Humorous Marriage Quotes by Famous People

"I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career." - Gloria Steinem

"Marriage is a lot like the army: everyone complains, but you'd be surprised at the large number that re-enlist." - James Garner

"Women complain about sex more than men. Their gripes fall into two major categories: 1. Not enough; 2. Too much." - Ann Landers

"Both of my ex-wives closed their eyes when making love, because they didn't want to see me having a good time." - Joseph Wambaugh

"Basically, my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats." - Woody Allen

" I told someone I was getting married, and they said, 'Have you picked a date yet?' I said, 'Wow, you can bring a date to your own wedding?" What a country!" - Yakov Smirnoff

"Why can't a woman be more like a man?" - Alan Jay Lerner

"The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret." - Henny Youngman

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them." - Ogden Nash

"I'm the only man who has a marriage license made out, 'To Whom It May Concern." - Mickey Rooney 

It Is Not What It Seems

 All in the mind, or it this case in the eyes

 Mouse or what?

It's a fruit

The Geography of a Woman

Between the ages of 18 - 21 a woman is like Africa or Australia. She is half discovered, half wild and naturally beautiful with bushland around the fertile deltas.

Between the ages of 21 - 30 a woman is like America or Japan. Completely discovered, very well developed and open to trade especially with countries with cash or cars.

Between the ages of 30 - 35, she is like India or Spain. Very hot, relaxed and convinced of its own beauty.

Between the ages of 35 - 40 a woman is like France or Argentina. She may have been half destroyed during the war but can still be a warm and desirable place to visit.

Between the ages of 40 - 50 she is like Yugoslavia or Iraq. She lost the war and is haunted by past mistakes. Massive reconstruction is now necessary.

Between the ages of 50 - 60 she is like Russia or Canada. Very wide, quiet and the borders are practically unpatrolled but the frigid climate keeps people away.

Between the ages of 60 - 70 a woman is like England or Mongolia. With a glorious and all conquering past but alas no future.

After 70, they become Albania or Afghanistan. Everyone knows
where it is, but no one wants to go there.

The Geography of a Man

Between the ages of 15 - 70 a man is like Zimbabwe - ruled by a dick.