Saturday, December 5, 2009

Because I'm a Man

Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in. Calling the AAA is not an option. I will win.

Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink a couple of beers, as a form of holy communion.

Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you, this is no problem.

Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing.

Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.

Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole program looking for it.

Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The true answer is always either sex, hunting, sex, cars, sex, tractors, sex, fishing, sex, sports or sex. I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask.

Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my mother, too.

Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the film. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't...and if you are feeling amorous afterwards...then I will certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to others.

Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?

Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2009, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest.... like wandering around in the garden with a beer, wondering what to do.

This has been a public service message for women to better understand men.


  1. Good thing my man knows how to do all those woman things.

  2. HAHA, great post. Had a good laugh. Especially the Engine problem and the Mother's day gift...

  3. Because I'm a woman I'll ignore all this man craziness;smile politly and say "Oh what a nice piece of work!" ;-0 Really, it's a nice piece of work. I loved it and now I understand Hubby's reasoning, to why he does what he does. lol Keep writing the world needs more laughter.

  4. i wish men have something in their brains for a change

  5. I like this. Can I have it in my blog. I will give credit to you.

  6. most of it is so very true; all of it is funny :) great blog!

  7. it's so true and although it's hard to understand sometimes, women or wives should because they (husbands/men are more concerned on major tasks like bringing food to the table, housing his family, providing for education for his children and if he can afford it, a week long vacation at least once a year. The husbands delegate the task of cooking the food he provided, cleaning the house he worked so hard for, and pack their luggage when they travel.. fair enough.

  8. Wow, thank god I'm a lesbian if men are really this immature and stupid!


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