Aussie Slang

AEROPLANE BLONDE
One who has bleached/dyed her hair blonde but still has a 'black box'.

AUSSIE KISS
Similar to a French Kiss, but given down under.

BADLY PACKED KEBAB
A vulgar (but still excellent) term for the female genitalia.

BEAVER LEAVER
A homosexual.

BEER COAT
The invisible but warm coat worn when walking home after a booze cruise at 3 in the morning.

BEER COMPASS
The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home after a booze cruise, even though you're too pissed to remember where you live, how you get there, and where you've come from.

BOBFOC
Body Off Baywatch, Face Off Crimewatch.

BONE OF CONTENTION
A hard-on that causes an argument, e.g. one that arises when a man is watching Olympic beach volleyball on TV with his girlfriend.

BREAKING THE SEAL
Your first piss in the pub, usually after 2 hours of drinking.

After breaking the seal of your bladder, repeat visits to the toilet will be required every 10 or 15 minutes for the rest of the night.

BRUCE LEE Erect nipple (as in, a hard Nip).

BUDGIE'S TONGUE or SMALL MAN IN A BOAT, or TONGUE PUNCHBAG
The female erection.

DOUBLE BASS A sexual position in which the man enters the woman from behind, and then fiddles with the woman's nipples with one hand and her Budgie's Tongue with the other. The position is similar to that used when playing a double bass instrument, but the sound produced is slightly different.

DRINK- LINK
A modern term for a cashpoint machine (ATM). Named so because it is common to visit one before going out on the booze.

ETCH-A-SKETCH
Trying to draw a smile on a woman's face by twiddling both of her nipples simultaneously.

FLOGGING ON
Surfing the Internet for some left-handed websites.

FREE THE TADPOLES
Liberate the residents of your Wank Tanks.

FRIGMAROLE
Unnecessarily time-consuming foreplay.

FUCKSHITFUCKSHITFUCKSHIT
The sound made when driving through traffic at too high a speed.

GOING FOR A McSHIT Entering a fast food restaurant with no intention of buying food, you're just going to the bog. If challenged by a pimply staff member, your declaration to them that you'll buy their food afterwards is a McShit With Lies.

GREYHOUND
A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.

HAND- TO-GLAND COMBAT
A vigorous masturbation session.

JOHNNY-NO-STARS
A young man of substandard intelligence, the typical adolescent who works in a burger restaurant. The 'no-stars' comes from the badges displaying stars that staff at fast-food restaurants often wear to show their level of training.

MONKEY BATH
A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go: "Oo! Oo! Oo! Aa!Aa! Aa!".

MUMBLER
An attractive girl in tight shorts or jeans, etc. i.e. you can see the 'lips' moving but can't quite make out what they're saying.

MYSTERY BUS
The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you're in the toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the unattractive people so the pub is suddenly packed with great looking people when you come back in.

ONE IN THE DEPARTURE LOUNGE
The need to defecate imminently.

PICASSO ARSE
A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she looks like she's got 4 buttocks.

SALAD DODGER
An excellent phrase for an overweight person.

SPERM WAIL or SPUPHEMISM
A verbal outburst during the male orgasm.

STARFISH TROOPER or ARSETRONAUT
A homosexual.

SWAMP-DONKEY
A deeply unattractive woman.

TART FUEL or BITCH PISS
Bottled Alcopops, e.g. Hooch, regularly consumed by young women.

TITANIC
A lady who goes down first time out.

TODGER DODGER
A lesbian.

TWO-BAGGER or DOUBLE BAGGER
Someone that you'd need 2 paper bags to have sex with (1 to cover their head, and 1 to cover yours, in case their bag falls off).

UP ON BLOCKS
Menstruating i.e. out of action, a bit like a car in a garage. e.g. "I don't think I'll be in luck tonight lads, the missus isup on blocks".