Saturday, July 4, 2009

And Then The Fight Started

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'an inch of dust!!'
And then the fight started.

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'
I bought her a weighing scale.
And then the fight started.

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her to some place expensive.
So, I took her to a gas station.
And then the fight started.

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion.
I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started.

I took my wife to a restaurant.
The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
"Nah, she can order for herself.."
And then the fight started.

A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband :
'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies : 'Your eyesight is still damn perfect.'
And then the fight started.

A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies.
Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside.
The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man
'Holy crap. That must be my husband!'
So the man quickly got out of the bed.
Scared and naked, he then jumped out of the window.
He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and rushed to his car as fast as he could go.
A few minutes later, he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed
at the woman : 'Hey !! I AM your husband !'
The woman yelled back : 'Yeah ? Then why were you running?'
And then the fight started.

I asked my wife : "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"
And that's when the fight started.

My wife and I are watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in bed. I turned
to her and said : "Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And that's when the fight started.

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