Thursday, July 23, 2009

50 Reasons Why Being A Woman Is Better

1. We got off the Titanic first.

2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.

3. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours.

4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.

5. We can cry and get off speeding fines.

6. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central figure in a computer game.

7. Taxis stop for us.

8. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.

9. Free drinks, free dinners.

10. We can hug our friends without wondering if they're gay.

11. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay.

12. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.

13. It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower.

14. No fashion faux pas we make could ever rival The Speedo.

15. We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves.

16. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.

17. We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her butt.

18. If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it.

19. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.

20. If we're dumb, some people will find it cute.

21. We have the ability to dress ourselves.

22. We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.

23. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot.

24. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.

25. We'll never regret piercing our ears.

26. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.

27. We know which glass was ours by the lipstick mark.

28. Men’s nipples are useless - both in terms of sex, and biological effectiveness.

29. Men cannot solve the problem, just crying.

30. Men are never given flowers. Except at their own funeral.

31. They cannot scratch during orgasm. Bite is also not recommended. And women can!

32. After orgasm they cannot have another orgasm immediately. Even if they would like.

33. They have no valid reasons to remain in a bad mood, play pranks and behave irrationally during four days of every twenty-eight.

34. When they gain weight, no part of the body, making them sexual, increases in volume.

35. Even if a man gets so fat, that becomes looking like a woman at the 9th month of pregnancy, nobody will still give him way in the subway.

36. They have no choice what to wear - skirt or pants.

37. In fact, you can choose a skirt. But it must be checkered, like a Scottish one.

38. They need to shave only one part of the body, but every day.

39. Any man can be hit between legs.

40. When a woman hits a man, he cannot strike back. This is a law, which cannot be ignored.

41. Women earn more than men in the easiest and most pleasant areas of economy. For example, in fashion industry. Or porno.

42. If a man has neither intellect, nor speed of mind, he cannot use all of this in his favor, just wearing a fitting T-shirt.

43. They are not given rings and earrings, pendants and bracelets, gold and diamonds.

44. Women do not shout them on the street: “Can I have your phone number?”

45. They are not asked: “What are you doing tonight?”

46. They are not treated with alcohol only because they have long legs and elastic buttocks.

47. In the bathroom, they are at risk of splashing their boots.

48. They have no sexual lingerie. All they have - the pants that are currently recognized as the most recent.

49. Even worse: if a man dresses stylishly and sexually, he surely will be accepted for a member of sexual minorities.

50. A woman cannot be morally destroyed through an obscene comment about lack of her sexual organ.

Men,,,, don't despair read 50 Reasons Why Being A Man Is Better

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